We Become What We Behold

Faith and Flesh Thoughts on James 4:13-5:6

What am I investing my time, talents, and money in? Out of that, how do I plan for my life? Wealth is a poor investment of a life. Invest in things with eternal significance. Those are all from my notes this week. I stare at them, waiting for them to come to life and take on something profound.

My mind turns to a dear friend of my father’s that passed away unexpectedly this week after visiting my parents  just three weeks ago. No one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Again, this is the hard part. The empty white screen stretches on and on. There are no cohesive thoughts in my head about what I want to say. Maybe I don’t want to write it because I don’t know what to say. Maybe because it’s not tied up in a little bow in a little box in my brain. And the worst part is that I know it won’t ever be – no matter how much I process it in my head and try to get it all to make sense.

God is sovereign.

He is over all things. I repeat that mantra in my head. I keep repeating it until it takes over and then I question what the point is. What’s the point of prayer? I can’t bring to mind the times where it has “worked”. But then again I can’t bring to mind the last time I really got down on my knees and prayed without distraction either. It’s easy to forget the benefits of the things that require something hard of me.

I’m waiting for the peace that passes all understanding to descend like a tsunami on my overactive mind and for the way forward to materialize out of the maze of arrows ahead of me. I want to write down an eloquent narrative and exegesis of how Sunday’s message radically revolutionized my thought patterns with clarity and insight. Instead, this jumbled stream of consciousness recklessly falls through my twitchy eyes and fingers onto the screen.

My life is nothing how I planned it. Yet, when I really stop and examine, all of the blessings and my striving and missteps and rebellion and failed attempts at holiness has perfectly led me here. Or rather, the omniscient Creator has perfectly led me here – every nick and flaw in my character perfectly ordained for this time to teach me this thing.

We become what we behold.

The fresh loss of a one of my father’s dear friend unsettles me. The yawning cancer treatment looming before other friends and co-workers rattles my flippancy and nonchalance.

I’ve asked the empty air and the silent night what I should do next with my life a thousand times. Maybe it’s time to carve the margin into my life to simply sit and behold my Creator and sustainer and author of my faith. Maybe consistent and intentional study of the Word will inspire a new question with less selfish gain.

I am here. I am here now. If I should be there instead, he will take me there. He has a history of working things out for my ultimate good and His eternal glory. Today will be no different. I just might not see the end result.

But what about (fill in the variable)?

Pray, seek wise counsel, and immerse myself in the Truth.

Sometimes the supplication is the only thing that readies me for the answer. Submit. In humility. I am not God. I do not know best. My presumptions are just that. Guesses at best. Hesitant and cautious tiptoes. Rash headlong dives.

But God…

It’s not about me in the end anyway. God, in grace. God, in his glory. God, in justice. God, in wisdom. God, in love. God, in faithfulness.

 

Check out The End of Hypocrisy message series at http://discovergrace.com/messages/

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